Surrender, The Hardest Choice
The Heart Issue Behind Staying Home
When you are feeling well, choosing to stay home is the worst. Truly, the worst! Living with a rare or chronic disease is isolating on its own. Recently, I asked some of my friends who live with rare disease how they feel about their unique situation. Almost all of them said they feel isolated often or all of the time. That feeling may unite us as survivor/fighters, but I think we’d all gladly trade it for other ways to feel united.
To voluntarily choose to further isolate myself is such a difficult decision to make. It is a sacrifice that makes me sad and, if I’m honest, sometimes bitter. This is a heart issue, one that needs surrendering to Jesus. Because I am a sinner, my heart will not always lead me down the right path. Without the redemptive work of Jesus, the heart will only lead me towards my selfish desires and despair.
The heart is selfish. It wants what it desires, healthy or not.
The heart is weak. It wants to give up or give in when the fight goes on and on and on.
The heart is fearful. It worries about the future and about missing out.
The heart is easily tempted. It always wants the easy way out.
The heart is easily confused. It can twist facts and deny what the mind knows is true and best.
The heart is a blame-shifter. It wants to blame others for feelings of loss, pain, and fear.
My body, my weakness, is not something I can control, but my heart is different. This is good news! As a Christian, I have the power of Christ living in me. This means my heart is not my master. The heart is something I do have control over. I can choose how I view and how I respond to my weakness and the many sacrifices it demands of me. With the power of the Holy Spirit in me, I am able to surrender my way and choose God’s way. I am no longer a slave to sin. I have a choice.
With God’s power in me….
I can choose to sacrifice my desires for the health of my body and my family. (Romans 6:5-7)
I can choose to keep going, one baby step at a time, even when I feel weak. (2 Tim 4:7, 2 Cor 12:9-10)
I can choose to trust God has good things planned for me, despite my weakness. (Jer 29:11, Phil 4:6, Psalm 139:23, 2 Tim 1:7)
I can choose to do hard things, to make hard choices, with God’s help. (Matt 19:26, Phil. 4:13)
I can choose to believe what is true, even if the truth is hard to accept. (Phil 4:8, Psalm 15)
I can choose to accept the life and body God has given me and take responsibility to steward it well. (Psalm 139, 1 Cor 13:11, James 4:17)
To isolate myself for a time is a sacrifice. For me, choosing to stay home during cold/flu season is choosing life, but it comes with a cost. It means sacrificing time to connect with friends. Less hugs. Less empathy. Those are things I selfishly desire. It’s not that those things are bad, they just aren’t wise in this season. On the benefit side of the cost-benefit sheet of surrender, staying home means I am protecting myself and my family from unnecessary risk. Those are things I desire even more. When I stop listening to my confused (and sometimes deceptive) heart, I can accept the wisdom of staying home and the truth that I desire life with my family more than another hug from a girlfriend. Surrender gives my heart time to re-align with God’s heart. In time, and with many repetitions of surrender, his desires become my desires.
Last week, I surrendered my selfish desires and chose to do the hard thing. I chose to stay home. It was a hard choice but one that I was free to choose. Sometimes, surrender is as simple as staying home.
Not So simple
What is less simple is learning to be ok with the fact that my weak lungs put me in a position where I must make this choice regularly. I am learning to accept that my body is not “normal” and the choices I have to make are not what my friends are asked to make. Life with rare disease forces me to come to a place where I have to surrender the life I once lived (or the life I always wanted to live) time and time again. I have to lay my desire for a healthy body at the cross. This is the sacrifice God wants me to make.
What is the sacrifice your body demands of you? It is in this place where God has planned to grow you, to shape your faith, and to deepen your dependence on him. It is here, in this choice, where your relationship grows sweeter…. if you choose sacrifice.
Friend, be encouraged! With each surrender, the choice to sacrifice gets easier. With each surrender, I feel his tender care for my heart more deeply. Have you felt it too? It is worth the sacrifice.
We’re Gonna Be Alright
One more thing. I might get sick this winter, and you may too, but if you do, you won’t have to endure it alone. The most beautiful thing I learned through the loss of my lung and the long recovery of 2018 is that God is always near to me. He was with me then, he will be with me always.
Getting sick is scary. It could be very serious, very dangerous. Part of the fear of getting sick is the unknown. How bad will it be? How much will I have to endure?
Each of those questions are real and legitimate. But the tone changes when you realize that you won’t have to deal with the answers on our own. You won’t go through it alone. God will be holding your hand. (Psalm 73:23) If it’s bad, you’ll deal with the bad together. If it’s long, you’ll endure the days/months/years together. With God holding your hand, the deep, immobilizing fear of getting sick fades away.
My experience changed me, maybe most profoundly in this: I am no longer afraid of being alone. Isolation cannot steal my joy.
Get ready for germ season, friend. But don’t just get your body ready, get your heart ready also.
Sometimes, I make things to remind myself of God’s truth, like the verses above. I created a pretty printable listing the “I will…” phrases and I plan to tape it next to my computer. You can download the chart too. It’s my gift to you.
Please share this post with your friend who would be encouraged by this FREE printable.
