I ran into a friend at a coffee shop this week.  I hadn't seen him in a while because he has spent the past 6 months supporting his wife who is bedridden with back pain.  At the same time, his dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

I felt like saying, "God, are you serious? This is too much!"

I feel like saying that a lot these days.  Not just in light of my health crisis, but because friends all around me are suffering. Friends with returned cancer. Friends with failing marriages. A friend who is a victim of domestic abuse.

I think I can handle these things on some level.  I can pray for them.  Love on them.  Support them.  I can do that.

At the same time, I’m noticing that in the midst of tremendous HARD, some of my friends are also experiencing tremendous JOY.  

One of my closest friends is marrying off two of her children and burying her father-in-law.... all this summer. One friend finally got a dream job but it comes with a steep learning curve.  And she has small kids to care for.  The dream job is causing new stress, but it's also an answer to prayer.  We celebrate it.  And then we wonder, how is it all going to work?

That friend from the coffee shop — He's got a sick wife, a sick dad and at the same time, he's packing up his oldest son to head to a really great college this fall.  It’s an amazing opportunity that is pure joy and excitement.  I wonder, how does he find time to grieve and celebrate in the same season?

The juxtaposition of suffering and joy can be too much. We need space to breathe and process big emotions.

IF YOU FEEL TOO MUCH

What should we do when friends are living in the mix of suffering and joy? Do we cry with our friends?  Do we celebrate with them?  Do we put one out of mind while we focus on the other? I think we do all of the above.  

But for me, doing both is too hard.  I'm too weak.  Too limited.  These feelings come at me too fast.

I read a book once entitled, If You Feel Too Much.  What a great title!  Yes, sometimes, I feel too much.  But I'd rather feel, and be overwhelmed, than be numb and watch my friends process their lives from a distance. So, I go to the fountain to be refreshed.  Like Psalm 131:2 says,

I have calmed and quieted my soul,like a weaned child with its mother;like a weaned child is my soul within me.

ACT LIKE A CHILD

For me to be able to carry a mix of strong emotions I must spend time with Jesus.  I need to be in his Word.  I need to cling to him like a toddler clinging to his father's legs.  That is where I find peace and strength.  I "check in" with Jesus like my kids used to "check in" with me at a park.

When my children were little tykes, I took them to local parks to climb safely and run in a larger space than our backyard. I set myself up in a camp chair with a large back of snacks at my side while my kiddos ran as fast as their little legs could carry them. At some point in their play, they would swing by to hug me or talk with me for a second. What appeared to be a pit stop in their race for adventure was in reality a need. Their “check in” filled their need for reassurance that I was still with them, still alert to their needs and watching over them. With a fresh reminder of my presence, they could run off again to tackle their jungle-gym world.

WAIT FOR YOUR SOUL TO CATCH UP

Eugene Peterson in his book, The Jesus Way, wrote,

“We stop, whether by choice or through circumstance, so that we can be alert and attentive and receptive to what God is doing in and for us, in and for others, on the way. We wait for our souls to catch up with our bodies.”

I love that phrase, "We wait for our souls to catch up with our bodies."  Isn't that a picture?

We are like our children, aren't we?  We run through life, and suffering friends pass by in our peripheral view.  We hear their pain and feel something but we can't stop long enough to process it.  Or can we? We need to stop long enough to process. We need space. We need to stop because our souls don't run at the same speed as our bodies.

I've being listening to a new podcast called, The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman.  It's about finding space to make decisions.  A few weeks ago, Emily was talking about finding space and quoted a teacher who told her to stop in her hurry.  Slow down and, "learn what it looks like to love and be loved by God... for the next 10 minutes."

I can do 10 minutes.  I think you can too.  Sometimes, the question isn't, "Do I need space?" We may already know that.  The question is, "How do I find space?"  Well, can you find 10 minutes?  Maybe you can find 10 minutes of space in the car on the way to pick up kids.  You don't have to turn on the radio.  You could use that time to stop and let your soul catch up with your body.

When her kids were little, my friend, Debbie, found space by going into her bedroom closet and shutting the door.  It usually took her kids about 10 minutes to find her.  That's all she needed. It's all any of us need, just 10 minutes, to quiet our souls, to learn what it looks like to be loved by God... and how to love others in their struggle. Just 10 minutes. 

How could you find 10 minutes of space today? Tell me in the comments.

Let’s Be Friends

I love sending my subscribers special goodies and encouragement straight to their inbox. One of those goodies is a list of 12 Verses to Help You Endure. I’d love to send it to you.