How to Choose Joy: The big and little ways that make a difference
“Just choose joy,” they say.
“Don’t worry, be happy,” they say.
“Hakuna matata,” they say.
Great advice, I agree, but not always easy to put into practice. I think choosing joy can be even harder when life has thrown you a curveball, knocked you off-balance and you don’t know which way is up. When you are struggling just to survive, choosing joy feels like a beautiful goal… for later.
I truly believe that we can choose joy in any circumstance. I’ll admit, it isn’t always easy and sometimes, I need help to make the choice. But don’t miss the most important word in “just choose joy”: it’s CHOOSE.
THE SECRET TO JOY
In scripture, Paul makes it clear that joy is a choice.
In Philippians, Paul makes an almost impossible command, “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.” (Phil 4:4 ESV) Always? In every circumstance? Even with a rare disease and no treatment plan? Even in divorce? Are you serious? Yes, he is.
He gets real by listing all the horrific circumstances he has lived through (2 Corinthians 11 and 12). He was shipwrecked, beaten, left for dead. On top of that, he worried about his people. Then, God gave him a weakness, a thorn in his side, to keep him humble. And yet… Paul says, “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor 12:10 ESV) He’s not boasting when he shares his suffering. Instead, he shares it to say, My weakness is only making me desire to choose joy more. You’re not alone in this. I’m working on it too.
Again, he says, “for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Phil 4:11-13 ESV)
He’s saying: Look, I get you. I’ve suffered too. But I chose to be content [I choose joy] because all this suffering just shows me how much I need God’s strength to live this life well. He made the choice to trust God and choose joy. The secret to choosing joy is making the choice to choose joy.
BUT IT’S SO HARD
So why is choosing joy so hard? Here are a few reasons. I’m sure you can think of more.
Pain steals our focus. When we are suffering, it’s hard to move our focus from the pain to anything else. Pain is also exhausting and making decisions, even the decision to choose joy, takes energy. Choosing joy when we are in pain will not happen automatically or organically; it’s going to take intentional effort.
Minimizing our suffering leads to minimizing our joy. We can easily minimize our suffering by comparing it to others. Sure this is hard, but at least I’m not dealing with _________ (fill in the blank). But Christ never minimizes our suffering. He enters right into it, fully. When we minimize our suffering, we automatically, albeit unintentionally, make ourselves less able to fully embrace fulfilling joy, healing joy. Put another way, we often wrongly think: Why do I need to choose joy when I’m not really suffering?
We mistake fake joy for real joy. I used to tell myself that I didn’t have time to deal with my pain and, “a good Christian girl keeps a happy face on.” I don’t believe that anymore, thank goodness! That thinking led me to believe I was choosing joy when in fact I was choosing fake joy. Fake joy isn’t honest. It’s a lie that I believed, truly believed. Sadly, fake joy prevented me from being ministered to by Jesus because I was dealing with the pain on my own. My heart wasn’t healing even though I had convinced myself that I was making the right choice.
Lament needs to come first. In order to choose joy, we must first acknowledge the thing that is hindering our joy. Being honest about our pain is one way we invite Jesus to heal our hearts within the circumstances of our life, not later, but now. We can be honest about our suffering without getting stuck there in the pit. We don’t have to pitch our tent there and set up camp. We can acknowledge the hard and then move on and make the choice to have joy even if the hard doesn’t change.
JUST TELL ME HOW
Ok, so HOW do we choose joy?
First, give yourself grace. Choosing joy will feel easy on some days and impossible on other days. It’s ok. When it’s easy, enjoy the ease. When it’s hard, invite others to choose joy for you. Pray and ask God to help you choose joy. Call a friend and ask her to help you make a joyful choice.
Second, if you are ready to choose joy but you feel stuck, start small. PIck a favorite color to wear. Drink a favorite drink. Seriously, start small and let your body catch up with your choice. There is so much science behind this. Neuroscience is proving that feelings follow thoughts. (The reverse is also true, but that’s for another blogpost.) So, make the joy choice first, act on it, then give yourself time and space for your emotions to catch up.
Third, be prepared to choose joy. Intentions are half the battle, at least that’s true for me. If I go to bed and think, “Tomorrow, I will choose joy by putting on makeup,” you can bet that the next morning I am very likely to put on makeup even if I don’t feel well when I first open my eyes. Then, just the act of following through on my intentions brings me joy because I did the thing I said I would do. Ok, that’s not always going to work, but the intention is still key. Maybe I don’t put on makeup but I sit up in bed and ask my husband to open the windows so I can enjoy listening to the birds chirping in from the oak tree in my backyard. See? Still choosing joy, it just looks different.
Fourth, give yourself permission to find new ways to choose joy and to let old ways go. If the things that brought you joy in your twenties no longer bring you joy in your thirties, it’s ok. If you are in a season when all your energy is going towards raising toddlers (or teenagers), you may need to find new creative ways to choose joy. It’s ok. It’s a season. You may return to those old choices. You may not. It’s ok.
Fifth, if you can’t think of any way to choose joy, I’ve got a list to get you started. (SEE BELOW) These are practical ideas you can try, even from your bed. It’s just a launching pad. Add to it. Make your own “JOY BASKET” and keep things in it that bring you joy. Put that basket near your bed or your favorite chair. Anything that makes it easier to choose joy when you really want to but you just can’t get started.
JUST CHOOSE JOY
Friends, I get you. You can do this. I’m cheering you on.
Tell me one thing that makes it difficult for you to choose joy. Then tell me one way you’ll choose joy this week.
Looking for others who are learning to choose joy in the midst of chronic illness?
Join me and other faith-filled women living with Rare & Chronic Illness in my FREE Group. We’ll help each other choose joy, every day. I’d love to see you there.