Undone: a Story of Making Peace with an Unexpected Life

This is the memoir of Michele Cushatt, author, speaker, and Bible teacher who received a cancer diagnosis the week of Thanksgiving.  

Can you imagine sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner surrounded by the murmur of family conversation, the tinkle of glasses, and the aroma of turkey and gravy but missing it all because your thoughts are swirling with questions like, “Is this my last Thanksgiving?”

If you answered, yes, to that question, this book is for you.

In Undone, Michele shares openly all the emotions and faith questions that she experienced through her cancer experience.  She also shares about the difficulty raising a blended family and the unexpected decision just as she and her husband became Empty Nesters to bring three orphans home.  None of that is easy.  All of that is messy.  For a control-freak like Michele, God used the mess and chaos for his good purpose of drawing her closer to him.

Michele has a slightly sassy sense of humor which is helpful when life is falling to pieces.  She also has a faith that has been refined through fire, which is necessary when life is falling to pieces.  Her story is evidence of God’s presence and peace in the midst of the mess.  We all need stories like that.

Faith in the Midst of the Unknown

I read this book while sitting at Lu’s bedside in the final weeks of her battle with cancer.  Those weeks, the quiet little conversations we had together, watching her sleep… all of it are now intermingled with Michele’s story.  Knowing my perfect God and trusting his perfect timing, I realize this intermingling is not a mistake.  I was meant to read Undone at this exact time in my life.

The back cover says, “faith in the midst of the unknown is the only kind of faith at all.” Faith in the unknown is the kind of faith I need to live with a life-threatening, undiagnosed illness. So, this book was written for me, and for you if you are living in the midst of the unknown.

Relentless: The Unshakeable Presence of a God Who Never Leaves

In her follow-up book, Relentless, I turned to page one and found Michele standing in her basement contemplating suicide which immediately filled my mind with questions:

• You just lived through cancer, why commit suicide now? **

• You trust in God and his plan, remember? **  What happened to cause you to give up on that trust now?

• Why are you in the basement when you love the light upstairs and the outdoors of Colorado so much? **

(** You’ll learn those details in Undone.)

When Cancer Returns

Relentless is a different kind of book.  Michele walks you through the next phase of her life when cancer returns and takes most of her tongue with it, when the orphans they brought home become theirs for life and the reality of attachment trauma sets in, and when she grieves the loss of her Dad to his own battle with cancer.  It is personal, gut-wrenching, and oh so relatable. 

“It is difficult to live in a body that no longer works, especially when you’d lived with one that did for so long.”

You are thinking, Woah, this is heavy stuff.  Yes, it is. But, if you are living in your own heavy stuff, this book is like finding a friend.  

“There are days I long to share space with someone who gets me.  Someone who knows the struggle to swallow and eat, who understands my slip into self-consciousness when speaking in public, who knows the ongoing battle between faith and hope.

We have such a deep need to be understood, to know that other flesh-and-blood-wearers, especially those closest to us, understand our reality…

Sometimes touch heals more than words, presence more than platitudes.  And I now understand this is what God accomplished in the incarnation.

By becoming flesh and blood, God reached out a hand from the distance of heaven and touched humankind.  Bridging the distance of holiness.  He not only became someone we can touch but became the one reaching to touch us.”  

Can you relate?  I underlined, starred, and nodded my head through that section.  Through most sections, if I’m honest.

An Invitation to Find Divine Presence

This book is less about cancer and more about Michele’s path to rediscover her faith.  She never lost it, but it got a little shaky.  She needed to firm up the foundation of her faith.  She needed to cement in the truths she said she believed in.  And she does.

The cover says, 

“How do you hold on to faith when it seems God Himself is gone?  In struggle, illness, death or failure, pain causes us to question God’s presence.  We pray and watch the sky for proof of God’s nearness.  And in the quiet that follows, we fear the worst: abandonment.

But what if we could find evidence that God hasn’t left us? ….

For truth-seekers and souls lost in the dark, Relentless is an invitation to pilgrimage into the pages of your life to find evidence of divine presence.”

Michele uses twelve scriptures, she calls them Twelve Stones, to remind us of who God is and how He has been faithful to us.  With those twelve stones, you can build your own altar of remembrance.  

Relentless caused me to think through my own life and recall the times when I felt alone.  It challenged me to reconsider those memories and look for God’s presence.  I read it more slowly than Undone.  It was holy work just to finish this book, good and beautiful work.

Book Club

Relentless had such an impact on me that I will likely use it for an upcoming Book Club.  Leave a comment if you are interested so I can be sure to let you know when I will be starting.

Looking for more resources to live this chronic illness life with faith?

I’ve got just the thing for you: 17 Quick Resources for Chronically Ill Christians. Whether you have 30 seconds or 30 minutes, there is a resource in this list that will lead you to hope today.