Before my father died, he lost almost all of his hearing. He suffered from Meniere's disease, an inner ear problem that can cause dizzy spells (vertigo) and hearing loss. For Dad, the loss of his hearing and the debilitating dizziness led to anxiety and isolation.

I wanted desperately to enter into his loneliness, to help him feel less alone in the isolation of a world empty of sound. I don’t know how well I did, but I tried.

When I saw this book, Losing Music by John Cotter—a memoir about Meniere’s Disease, I grabbed it immediately. I thought this book could help me understand how Dad felt, what he thought, and what it was like for him to lose his hearing bit by bit, until it was gone.

It did.

The Author’s experience with Meniere’s Disease

The author has an unusual form of Meniere’s Disease, one that began early and caused his hearing to come and go. The dizziness he experienced was extreme, causing vomiting for hours to days. His wife came to his rescue often and together they made a good team in his fight against the disease.

Meniere’s left him isolated from friends (he couldn’t track a conversation), cost him his job as a college professor (he couldn’t hear his students), and at times, stole his independence (he couldn’t walk when a dizzy spell attacked).

Mr. Cotter, a lover of classical music, grieved the loss of hearing certain notes and ultimately all music. Because he knew that his hearing could come and go, he intentionally planned what to listen to when it might coming back again. I loved this so much. He bought special headphones and carried a special playlist so that on that day, when his ears did their job again, even a little, he could listen to … well, what would you listen to if you knew it might be the last thing your heard?

We get a view of Mr. Cotter’s emotions, thoughts, dreams, frustrations, and new understandings. I love that he didn’t hold back. It helped me to know all the little things he suffered and processed, things my father may have also felt and thought.

The author progressed through what I call the stages of suffering.

At first, he fought the disease.
Then he fought depression.
Then he found empathy for others and for himself.
Then he accepted the disease.
And finally, he found joy in his circumstances.

This book is not written from a Christian worldview, but it is written honestly. I appreciate that.

Book Highlights

Here are a few of my favorite lines:

“Acquire a chronic condition and you’ll feel like you’re falling, or at least I did. Falling as if from a high cliff, coat whipping over your head, you lose the papers in your pocket. You lose Bach (the wind’s too loud), but you don’t land. You just keep falling.”

“Every memory rode on a measure of sound. How could I question the way music or language or ambient noise tied in to everything?”

“There so much that I can’t do that the things I can do—this one thing—rises up at me with more urgency.”

Questions for you

If you have Meniere’s Disease, I’d love to hear from you. Have you read Losing Music? What has your experience been like? Have you found new ways to experience joy? Please share in the comments.

I love sending my subscribers special goodies and encouragement straight to their inbox. One of those goodies is a list of 12 Verses to Help You Endure. I’d love to send it to you.